What does it look like when you say yes to God?

March and April were such hectic months, with my parents coming to visit me, taking care of a Passport team, teaching English, and traveling to Myanmar. I’m just now catching my breath before uncertainty and craziness begin all over again.

My parents visited me in March for my birthday and it was amazing. It was such an honor to show them around this country I’ve called home for the past two and a half years. We were in Bangkok for a few days, doing touristy things and then spent the rest of our time in Chiang Mai, riding elephants, taking pictures with tigers, and visiting temples. They were able to visit a few of the homes I work with and see for themselves the reason that makes saying goodbye to Thailand so hard. It’s pretty awesome when I post photos now and my parents comment, “I know that face!” Thailand and America don’t feel so separated anymore.

After my parents left, I helped with team responsibilities by driving around a Passport team that was serving with us until the end of April. I was able to develop relationships with about twelve 18-25 year olds. They were amazing and a huge help with my Saturday English classes. Once they left, I had about 4 days to myself and then my roommate and I headed over to Myanmar for about a week to get to know the homes, children, and house parents of our organization.

It’s amazing how neighboring countries can be so different, like night at day. Myanmar, as a whole, was an amazing experience and probably the most rural and poor country I’ve ever been to. I can’t lie, the first day was really difficult because it felt like I was going through an unexpected technology detox. I went from having the internet at my fingertips to my phone becoming an electronic brick within a matter of a few hours. I hadn’t realized before how conditioned I was to checking my phone for messages, notifications, alerts, or just mindlessly scrolling through different apps. After the first day, I came to terms that this is just the way life is and stopped looking for hotspots and wifi.

Without the distraction of my phone, I was able to listen to the Lord when he whispered to me. The first morning I woke up at the crack of dawn, literally, like 5:30AM, and my initial instinct was to scroll through all social media accounts to catch up on anything I might have missed out on while I slept. But, because my phone’s only ability was its alarm clock function, my spirit urged me to be in the word and in prayer. During these morning devotions, I was reminded of who Christ is and of his love, mercy, and grace, which is evident in all the children’s homes we visited. The children, similar to their Thai counterparts, are loving and so content. We brought games to a few of the homes up north, games like Connect 4 and UNO, games they had never seen or played! Our afternoons were filled with teaching each other how to say numbers and colors in each other’s native language. We learned the art of just sitting around and conversing with neighbors, which mainly meant my roommate and I watching chickens run around while the natives spoke to each other. We watched a lot of chickens.

After my parents left in March, the question before I knew it as a question, was tugging on my heart for months, “Can you really leave all this behind?” Myanmar shaped the answer, before I knew it was my answer. Here I was at a major crossroads in my life, which left me restless, left my soul searching for answers to questions I didn’t know how to ask yet, afraid of what answers would slip from my lips. I had already said yes to bits and pieces of my life that God had asked for. Mission trips here that lead to a few years committed there, all leading to what? What does it look like when you say, “Yes. Forever. My life is yours Lord, wherever you lead me for however long you ask of me. I am all in”?

With tears streaming down my face, what did I just do? Am I ready for this? America is no longer home? How did plans change so quickly? Are you sure God, me? I’m afraid….

Don’t be afraid.

Reflecting on all the experiences from just this year, with my bible open, desperately calling to God for guidance, the Lord lead me to Isaiah 6:8,

Then I heard the Lord asking, 

“Whom should I send as a messenger to my people?
Who will go for us?”
And I said, “Lord, I’ll go! Send me.”

And I knew my answer.

So what does this mean? Well, I don’t really know. What I do know is that I am coming home in July, for a short time and then I will move back to Thailand, indefinitely. Many of you know that one of my biggest goals was to further my education and earn a master’s degree in Education Technology.  I plan on coming home to earn money for the cost of tuition and once I have funds raised for my tuition, I will complete the program back in Thailand.

I ask that you pray for wisdom and guidance during this season of my life. I pray that you ask the Lord to guide my steps and that my plans are in line with His will. I ask that you pray for peace over the decision I’ve made and that I don’t become fearful of my unknown future. But most of all, I ask that you pray that my relationship with Christ is strengthened as I lean on him.