Correcting my last post.

After re-reading my previous post, I realized that I may have come off insensitive to the girls who are forced to work in the sex trade scene. Although it is a way of life here in Thailand, it gives no excuse to the foreigners visiting the right to abuse what happens here. It’s sickening how you see it everywhere and even more heartbreaking because most of these girls stories begin way before they enter the bar scene. They’re abused, sold into prostitution, molested and raped, and taught that they mean nothing probably before they even hit puberty. Earlier today, while setting up the Christmas party (pictures will be posted eventually, if the internet allows), I overheard a story of a girl who has come in and out of Beginnings. She is no longer at Beginnings, by choice, and is now working at a fast food restaurant making her own money and going to school. She said that she enjoyed working because it made the money she earned have value.

And that made me think.

If the girls who are forced to work at these bars are made to believe they have no value, then why is the money they make any different? The money goes straight to their families, to support siblings, gambling debt, crop failure, hospital bills, and anything else their families need. Their parents don’t care where the money is coming from, just as long as money is flowing into their pockets. These girls aren’t working for themselves; they’re supporting everyone but themselves because if they were given a choice, I guarantee that they would all choose another lifestyle, maybe a fashion designer, artist, teacher, engineer, super model, or business owner. These girls are capable of so much but will most likely never experience anything except abuse, heartbreak, emotional distress, and any other negative feeling that comes along with selling their bodies. I’m sure they die a little inside with every baht they “earn”.

After having a moment with Denise, I was able to understand why it was difficult for me to really understand what I’m feeling, why I was unable to pinpoint what exactly is going on in my head.

Distraction.

The bright neon lights, the music, the noise, the innumerable amount of taxi’s and vendors, the people on the streets, the bars, and the children on the streets. I have been so focused on taking it all in that I missed the most important thing God’s been trying to show me, the Thai women. From restless nights of waking up every hour and getting insufficient amounts of sleep, to not having good internet signal, to not being able to talk to my parents for more than 5 minutes at a time, to the sour smells of sewage, to the blaring horns of taxis, cars, and mopeds, to the loud secular (this one’s for you Jo) music playing in the bars, it’s all been distracting me from seeing, really seeing, the faces of the girls who are used to what I’m not. And I’m sorry. I’ve been caught up in trying to not be distracted that I didn’t realize how out of it I was. So tonight’s Christmas party is where I will try to redeem myself because I will be at a table with about 9 Thai women who sacrificed their time and money to just spend time with people who care about them. Tonight, I will look at these girls for who they really are, children of God, and just enjoy their company.

Psalm 150: 1-6 Praise God in his heavenly dwelling; praise him in his mighty heaven! Praise him for his mighty works; praise his unequaled greatness! Praise him with a blast of the trumpet; praise him with the lyre and harp! Praise him with the tambourine and dancing; praise him with stringed instruments and flutes! Praise him with a clash of cymbals; praise him with loud clanging cymbals. Let everything that lives sing praises to the Lord! Praise the Lord!

Tonight, we will praise the Lord.